You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
My penis needs a shock collar
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
