So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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