Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
