Your dad touched me again.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
