so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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