Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
