I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
