guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
