his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize