Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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