We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think my moral compass just broke
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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