I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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