ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
