I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
