where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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