Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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