Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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