If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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