Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
