Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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