ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
