After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The best revenge is premature balding
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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