tell your sister to shave her snatch
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize