To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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