I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize