I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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