the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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