I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
