What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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