you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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