Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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