I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize