my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wear drunk well.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
