What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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