True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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