I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
