Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
