Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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