Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
