if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
