can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
