Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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