Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he thought i was a dude.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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