did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
