My friends, they love my intelligence
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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