u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
