I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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