You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
