I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You are a genius and a whore.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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