Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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