found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
