Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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