he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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