remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
