my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize