So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
