When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
