I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
