I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
