This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
