she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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