It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
