just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
