I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
