I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
