Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
