TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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