I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize