i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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