the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
