Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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