i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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