Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
