Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
two words: eviction party
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
