it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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