you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
