i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize