what if every blade of grass was a penis?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
