You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize