kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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