i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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