found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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