sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
