I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
