why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
