if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
