he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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