why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
