with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
