Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
